I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize