I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize