Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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