Cold hands, warm shart.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize