my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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