my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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