he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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