Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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