just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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