So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize