Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize