Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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