No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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