There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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