You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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