I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize