no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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