she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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