I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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