I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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