Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize