I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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