Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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