With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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