I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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