Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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