No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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