smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize