WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
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The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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