ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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