You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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