Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize