how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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