just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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