yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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