We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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