Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm too high and old for this...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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