If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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