I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
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You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
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I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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