There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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