so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize