I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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