your parents love me but you hate me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
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I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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