I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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