Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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