I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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