I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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