he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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