I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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