the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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